Tips for Building Relationships with Young People

by Tyack Health Psychologist, Cath Falco

Kids Helpline statistics report the most frequent concern for children and young people contacting the service during 2008 was family relationships with 16% of all counselling calls addressing family relationship concerns. This information suggests that young people may share the concerns their parents have regarding the quality of their relationship. To nurture a healthy relationship with a child or teenager, adults can:

• Really listen to what is being said verbally and behaviourally
• Behaviour is probably an indicator for underlying feelings
• Put yourself in their shoes
• Help them understand the link between thoughts and behaviour
• Acknowledge and help them see positives in their character (not just achievements)
• Give compliments
• ASK what they think about their own strengths and qualities
• Help them to develop a positive view of themselves
• Teach them to value their opinion of themselves rather than other people’s opinion of them
• AVOID minimising feelings (eg “it can’t be that bad”)
• AVOID jumping to conclusions and making assumptions
• AVOID lecturing and “you should” statements
• Keep communication open but AVOID arguments